When someone wrongs us—whether through betrayal, insult, or some other hurt—our natural impulse may be to seek revenge. Stories, movies, and even social media often glorify the idea of “getting even,” making it seem powerful or even necessary. Yet, while seeking revenge might offer a fleeting sense of satisfaction, it usually leads to deeper negativity and perpetuates cycles of harm. There’s a better way: choosing understanding, kindness, and forgiveness.

Revenge often leads to an endless cycle of hurt. When we retaliate, we risk escalating the conflict, deepening wounds on both sides. But by responding with kindness, we interrupt that cycle. We show that we are not defined by others’ actions, and we refuse to let their negativity shape our character.

It takes real courage to show kindness to someone who has hurt us. This does not mean ignoring the wrongdoing or pretending we aren’t hurt. Rather, it means acknowledging our pain, setting healthy boundaries, and choosing a compassionate response. Acts of kindness—whether offering a calm word, letting go of a minor slight, or simply refusing to retaliate—demonstrate strength and self-control.

Showing kindness, even in difficult situations, benefits both the giver and the receiver. Studies have shown that people who choose empathy and forgiveness experience reduced stress, improved emotional health, and even stronger immune systems. Kindness can also touch the hearts of those who have wronged us, sometimes inspiring regret and a desire to make amends.

Kindness is contagious. When we choose it over revenge, we set a powerful example for others and help build a more understanding and peaceful world. Our actions show that compassion is not a weakness, but a conscious decision to rise above negativity and spread hope.

When Abraham Lincoln was elected president, he appointed Edwin Stanton as his Secretary of War. Stanton had previously been openly rude and dismissive to Lincoln, once even calling him “a long-armed ape.” Many expected Lincoln to hold a grudge or seek payback, but instead, he recognized Stanton’s abilities and chose him for the vital role, putting the country’s needs above his personal feelings. Stanton later became one of Lincoln’s greatest supporters and, at Lincoln’s deathbed, reportedly said, “Now he belongs to the ages.” Lincoln’s choice of kindness and professionalism changed the relationship entirely and left a lasting legacy of respect.

In summary, Revenge may promise satisfaction, but it rarely delivers lasting peace. Kindness, on the other hand, has the power to heal, uplift, and inspire. By choosing kindness instead of revenge, we make a positive difference—not just in our own lives, but in the world around us.

¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸ If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰ To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21

After all, trying to get revenge is like drinking poison and expecting your antagonist to die.